


Don't Fade Away (Will x Dan)

by Fanofthebastillelife



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:13:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8360500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanofthebastillelife/pseuds/Fanofthebastillelife
Summary: Sorry.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.

_Cancer,_ they'd told them both.  _Acute lymphatic leukemia._

All the pamphlets had been provided for the couple, with all the information, and all the treatments available, along with the symptoms, which Will despises himself for not seeing in hindsight. It was so  _fucking_ stupid that he didn't suspect anything, when it was right there, staring at him in the face.

Acute lymphatic leukemia (ALL) is a type of cancer of the blood and bone marrow- the spongy tissue inside of bones where blood cells are made. The word 'acute' comes from the fact that the disease is progressing rapidly, and creates immature blood cells as opposed to mature ones.

And so far, Dan had been given just two options:

  1. Chemotherapy. If you're unaware of the side effects of this treatment, they're awful. Hair loss (head, pubic, eyelashes, eyebrows, arm hair. Everything), fertility and ability to have children may possibly be affected... Dan would basically constantly feel tired, and constantly shitty and sick throughout the treatment.
  2. To, well, let it take over his body. Let it overrun him, and eat him alive. Turn his body against him, and make him suffer to the worse possible extent... No fighting, no chemo... Nothing.



Dan didn't sugar coat anything when he said it. Whether it was because he didn't like to, or because he didn't want to, Will was unsure. But he didn't.

 

"I have cancer." His sudden news stunned everyone into silence as they sat on the sofa of the Farquarson-Smith household sofa. Will failed to keep his tears at bay any longer. "Something like acute lymphatic leukemia, or something. A-L-L. It's-er-, in my bone marrow. Rapidly progressing-" Dan's sentence was cut short, a sob overwriting his strong figure that Will's so proud of, and reducing him to a broken boy.

"Are you joking?" Ralph's eyes were like stone as he stares at Dan. "Dan, you're joking. Mate, please,  _please_ tell me you're joking. This isn't funny." His pleads were so full of hope, but Will and Dan knew the cold harsh truth behind it. Will wishes he could swap positions with Dan.

Dan shook his head, bushy hair dancing, and eyes burning holes in the floor. His voice cracked as he answered, making Will's heart shatter into pieces. "I wish I was... Really, I wish I was..." 

No one spoke for some time thereafter, until Woody broke the deafening silence that dominated the small room. "What are your options?" He questioned timidly, "Do you  _have_ options?"

"I can leave it be," Dan had answered, finally looking up to meet the green eyes of his friend, "Let it do it's stuff, you know, take over me until I'm nothing  _but_ cancer... Or I can have chemo, and hope that some miracle will let it work." 

Kyle's first words of the night were just that of an utterance, almost silent. "No... You can't have cancer." He said, raising his voice from there on out, so everyone was able to hear him. "Dan, you can't have it... You just... You  _can't._ This must be one of your stupid, pathetic little pranks, you bastard," he tried to grin hopefully at his friend, but his eyes just confessed the false...

"No, Kyle." Dan sighed. "I'm not pranking you, and I'm not lying. The bottom line is is that I have cancer. No matter how hard you shout at me, how loud you scream, it's not going to scare it off, is it? I'm not doing it for the attention, or whatever bat-shit crazy scheme comes through your mind next. I'm not that sort of person, Kyle. You know that. Do you think I  _want_ this? To die, and leave my entire career that I've built up, everything I've ever known, and everything I've ever loved behind, because of this  _fucking_ disease? No, it literally is, and literally will kill me. I don't need you sat there shouting at me for it, neither, Kyle. You're not helping." 

 

And since that night, Dan told his parents, his sister, and his family and his friends. Eventually, the only people left to tell were the fans, which was possibly one of the hardest things. Initially, Dan didn't want to make a video, which was understandable, but there aren't many other things that he could do to break such news. Will had supported him through it all.

"I think it's on," Will mumbles, fiddling with the camera. "We need Tom for things like this," he says, referencing the band's camera man. The other three sit on the bed, Dan looking paler and sicker than the rest. Everything they are about to say, every word about to come out of their mouth is unscripted and left up to them to say. The red light atop the camera comes on, signaling the beginning of the recording. Will takes his seat next to Dan, holding Dans have and fiddling his wedding band.

Dan was strong enough to explain the best part of it. The diagnosis, and all that, but the tears and sobs came when he began to explain the treatment. Tears appear in Will's own eyes as Woody carries on with what Dan was saying, whilst they all tried their best to comfort their hurt friend. 

As you can imagine, the responses were all good, all respectful, wishing Dan the very best.

It's well known within the fandom that Will and Dan are together- mos people were shocked that they'd managed to keep it under wraps for so long, but there's only so many heart eyes you can pull before someone catches on. 

 

Will wakes in the middle of the night to his body being shaken. The clock by the bed reads 02:13. He groggily rolls over to see what the cause of the shaking is- and to no surprise, it's Dan. His laptop is sat on his lap, and glasses reflecting the light. The last Will had seen him, he'd been cuddled up to Will with his head resting on his chest.

"Huh?" Will blinks a few times to gain clear vision. "What's up?" 

"I'm going to take it, Babe. I'm going to have chemo." Dan says definitely. Will sits up, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and squints at the screen. "I've made my mind up. I mean, I guess I kinda looked at it in the way that if I leave it, I will die. Full stop, story over, gone and forgotten, just another victim, another statistic. But if I have chemo, I'll at least have  _some_ chance of actually beating it, even if it is slim. And if it doesn't work, at least I didn't give up..." 

His words make tears appear in Wills' eyes as he looks at his husband, heart panging.  _'Gone and forgotten'._ How could anyone forget him? Such a great man, a great singer, a great individual, and a great husband? He'd never be forgotten. He's made his heart, and he'll never be forgotten. The mark he's made on Will is far greater than anything else Will has ever experienced, and, even when he's ninety and on his deathbed, he'll never forget the great years he had with Dan.

"Are you sure?" Dan's hand is soft in Wills' as he holds it, finding it beneath the covers. "Is this  _definitely_ what you want?" Dan nods, "Alright, I'll call the doctor tomorrow morning. I'm so proud of you, Dan, so, so proud. I love you." Will goes to plant a kiss on Dan's stubbly cheek, but Dan moves, and their lips meet.

 

"Babe? Can you come here, please?" Dan calls from the kitchen as Will walks through the door the following day, carrying shopping bags. 

Dan stands over the sink, holding something in his hands. Will frowns, concern laced in his voice. "Are you okay?" He asks, before Dan turns and shows Will what's in his hand.

"Will...Will you shave my hair for me?" His eyes break contact with Wills, and he looks down to his shaking hands.  _His hair?!_ Will loves his hair! The fans love his hair! He explains why before Will even has a chance to ask. "I don't want to wake up one morning and be picking clumps of hair off of my pillow. I don't want to be pulling it out when I run my hands through it... It'll be easier to shave it all off now..." Dan looks to Will once more, his eyes pleading with him, yet full of tears.  _It's what he wants,_ Will tells himself, walking over and taking the shavers off of Dan.

He smiles thankfully at Will, pulling off his shirt. His torso, that Will had seen so many times before, is bruised. That's another side effect of his cancer. Easy bruising. Will pulls a chair out for Dan to sit down, and plugs in the shaver. 

"Wait..." Dan says, pulling out his phone. "Can we... Can we take a before and after selfie?" The question makes Will laugh, and the two pose for the camera, Will pointing to Dan's head with the shavers.

"Read?" 

With a shaky breath, Dan replies:

"Ready.." 

 

"Aww, Dan, you look like you're ten!" 

"Don't laugh at me, Will!" 

"No, it's cute! I love it!" Will grins, running his hand through Dan's buzz-cut hair. "Oh my God, Dan, you're so adorable. Marry me." 

"We are married. And you're the worse husband ever." Dan pulls away as Will tries to kiss him, "St-o-op! Geeze, can we just take the picture?"

Will laughs, shaking his head at his impatient lover. "Go on." He tells him, letting Dan take the picture before Will begins the process of cleaning the kitchen.

 

The picture goes on all of his social networking, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, the works.  _All ready for chemo tomorrow :) thanks for shaving my head, Babe <3 @WillyFarquarsons x_

With Bastille being quite a large, well known bad, a few news and radio stations covered it, and he was on the biggest internet news websites. The radio stations he'd been on, like BBC Radio 1 had covered it. He had support from all over the world, and it was heart warming to see. 

 

"I'm scared, Will..." Dan's voice is muffled by his fist that he bites as the pair drive through the streets and to the hospital the next day. "I'm really scared."

Like he has done many times before, Will reaches over and puts his hand over his husbands. They're on a street away now. "You'll be fine, Dan. I promise." 

"But what... What if it doesn't work, and I'm doing this for nothing?" 

"I'm sure it will, baby. Try to think positively. I know it's hard- at least for you, Mr Pessimist." Will tries his best to comfort Dan, but that's the same question that's been going around his own head for some time. What if he did lose his husband, the man he loves so much? The man he plans on adopting kids with...

 

A doctor guides the pair to the room where the treatment will be taking place, and as he leads them, he explains exactly what it is they're going to do. Dan's hand tightly grips Wills', and it's shaking again. They're going to put a drip full of the drug into Dan's hand and chest, and they'll just have to wait whilst it happens.

"I feel sick..." Dan mutters when the drug is going through him when the doctor leaves. He'd been provided with a sick bowl for a reason. Tears brim his eyes, and he looks even paler than before, and Will is concerned that he will actually pass out.

"What does it feel like?" Will asks curiously, his hand holding Dan's free one.

"It feels like acid is being poured through my veins..." He replies weakly, putting his head back, and closing his eyes. Though, it is lucky he has a bowl in his lap because then- Dan retches, the contents of his stomach emptying into the bowl as he doubles over. Will tries not to flinch.

Around twenty minutes later, Dan breaks the silence. "Do you wanna ask Kyle and Woody if they want to come over later?"

Will frowns. "Am I not good enough company for you?" He gasps, putting his hand over his heart.

"...No." Dan says with dull eyes, "No. I'm kidding. It's just- I just- The gu-uys!" 

Will fishes his phone from his pocket of his jeans, and hands it to Dan so he can text them. "Fine, if I'm just  _that_ awful."

 

Dan had been attending another few rounds of chemo, which made him bitterly sick. Will stayed up most of the night making sure he was okay, and the day time, he was acting as a nurse for him. But he didn't mind, he loved Dan like there was no tomorrow. It was helping him, though, and everything seemed to be going okay. Until now.

"It's much worse than we expected." The doctor says when Dan and Will arrive once again at the hospital. "It's much worse than we originally thought it was... And I'm very sorry to have to tell you that the chances of chemo helping any further now are much, much lower." She looks at the two apologetically. "I'm really, really sorry, Mr Farquarson-Smith. You can still carry on with the treatment, if you want the small chance, but..." 

Will watches Dan with heart broken eyes as the woman speaks, the glint of optimism and hope that this would save him slowly evaporating from him. The doctor speaks for a short whilst more, before leaving the two lovers to cope with the news.

"I'm not carrying on." Dan's voice was harsh and croaky when he breaks the silence. "I'm not doing it anymore."

Will's heart drops, "But Dan-" 

"No, Will! I'm not doing it anymore! I'm not harming my body like this anymore, and I'm not suffering like I have been. I'm not going to be throwing up everything I eat, and I'm not tourturing myself one the one-percent chance I will live. And I'm not having you up every night playing nurse on me because it's  _not fair_ on you, not fair on me, and I don't... I don't like it..." 

Dan stuck like glue to his word. He didn't go back for more chemo, and once again, had to break the news that this was the end to everyone, who were all supportive.

And that leads to now.

The cancer got worse. So, so much worse. And Dan was now too weak to even stand, or to even breathe on his own. He lay in the he hospital bed, Will lying next to him just  _sobbing_ and sending messages to Kyle, Woody, and Ralph, to come as soon as possible.

It's evident that Dan doesn't have too much time left. An oxygen mask covers his face to help him breathe, and he looks like a bruised bag of bones. The leukemia made his skin much paler, and bruise easily. He can hardly function anymore. 

"I'm sorry..." Dan whisprs, his eyes dozy and slowly closing. "I'm so, so sorry..." 

"What for?" Will holds his hand, tear streaks down his face as he holds onto his husbands hand as tight as possible. Maybe if he holds onto him, he won't have to say goodbye...

Dan offers Will a dopey smile, stroking his hand. "For making you put up with me for all this time, Babe. I love you. I'll really, really miss you." 

More tears escape down Will's face. "I'll miss you, too." He whispers, voice cracking. "I'll miss you so, so much." 

"I'll wait for you, you know? When I'm gone. I'm sorry we never got to adopt kids. I wanted to, and I know you did..." His voice is hoarse, and he turns to his friends, "And I'll miss you wankers too." They're all a mess, much alike Will. Tears stream down their cheeks, and they all have to comfort each other. "Tell the fans, too... And don't let Bastille die" .

"Right," Woody nods. He looks towards Will, trying his hardest to stay strong for his friend. Will knows they'll all be sobbing at the end of the night, but it helps Dan.

"I don't want to die, Willy." Dan turns to Will with teary eyes and a broken voice, "I want to stay here, and- an..." His voice runs dry, the breath escaping him. "I love you." 

 

Dan died at 00:32 on 24/10/16. He died somewhat peacefully, knowing he was loved so much by everyone, and in the arms of his lover. 

Bastille didn't carry on. They left it alone in it's prime. All the songs they had ever recorded had been released, even the ones that weren't meant to be. 

Dan was never gotten, and he would never be. He was a piece of history- music's history, the guys' history, but most importantly, Will's.

Will found everything  _so, so_ hard from there on out, there wasn't a day that went by when he didn't think of Dan, and he spent a lot of time just talking to him, hoping he'd hear.

Nothing could have ever prepared him to say goodbye to the love of his life.

And nothing could have prepared Dan to say goodbye to Will.

 


End file.
